Do you consider yourself a courageous person?
Courage: a word that means the ability to do something that frightens you.
This week I've been thinking a lot about the courage to have hard conversations. It's no secret that hard conversations are in high demand in these times we're living in.
In our polarized everything culture right now, it's so easy to un-follow our "friends" who don't believe as we do. It's easy to worship, work and play only with those in our thought camp. It's easy to turn off the news or ignore today's headlines so to forget the reality. It's easy to think you won't vote in this year's national elections because you don't want to defend your choices to your friends or family.
But if there is anything I know for sure, its conversations that feel difficult or scary are exactly where real good living begins. And that in big and small circles of our lives on all sorts of topics, there are new truths to learn if we can stay in a posture of courage.
Of course, this doesn't mean that every relationship in your life is ready for your courageous sharing, but many are!
Several years ago, I attended an event in New York City at a congregation led by two thought leaders. One was a young African American man with a popular podcast and huge social media following. The other was a middle-aged white woman with a background is sociology with a lot of popular books. They were an unlikely pair but gathered in their friendship the intention was learning for the rest of us. These were the takeaways that have stayed with me since:
Courage looks like showing up.
That night both of them had a lot to lose if they took a misstep in a such a forum but, they still came to the table. They stayed put even when calls for clarification on their views happened throughout the night. They kept showing up for each other as new ideas and personal stories were offered. No one walked away until the time came for the event to end even when awkward moments came. How huge!
Courage looks like pausing.
There were moments in the conversation where one or the other took a moment saying: "I need a minute" or "I'm not ready to respond to that right away. Can you come back to me?" And you know what, it was ok! Often the best thoughts take a bit to form in someone's mind and come out. And they modeled respect in making the talk less like a debate (with right and wrong being the goal) and more about honoring one another's humanity.
Courage looks like asking questions.
Instead of waxing on and on about what they thought on the subjects being discussed, there were many times where simply the words, "Could you tell me more about that?" were uttered with interest in the answer. Empathy emerged so naturally! For asking questions took the "I" out of the experience so that more "we" could be found.
You may think I'm overly optimistic in advocating for hard conversations (let's be honest few people like it), but I wonder, when is this last time you tried?
Show up. Pause. Ask Questions. You can do it!
XO
Elizabeth
