Phyllis's Infertility Story: The Pain of Miscarriage

Did you know that one out of every 4 pregnancies result in miscarriage?

Today, I'm glad to introduce you to Phyllis, a fellow mom and blogger who has a story of waiting, trying and praying for her children to be born that mirrors so many of ours. Miscarriage devastated her plans to have a family. Here are her words:

After I got married we decided pretty quick that we wanted to start a family.

Soon the news came: "You're pregnant."

I beamed with excitement and there were so many feelings that I couldn’t possibly explain. A dream come true!

Friends told me that the first trimester is the scariest and it definitely was. Every day. Waiting. Hoping. Wondering how my baby was doing.

But, at 12 weeks I got the news no one wants to hear.

The doctor told me that I'd need to deliver a fetus; on my own without an D&C.  I can remember sitting in my own bathroom and experiencing the worst pain in my life.  I wouldn’t have wished that upon anyone.

Friends, family and loved ones kept telling me just wasn’t “meant to be”.

I heard this advice and took it for what it was worth.  My body could get pregnant again.

But then the best and worst happened: I got pregnant right away…and lost it…again, right away.

The second time I wasn’t as far along but my baby still didn’t survive.

The third attempt…was just that…another failed attempt…and another miscarriage.

At this point I was beside myself.  I felt like a total failure.  How can I not have a baby…that is what women do…they have babies!

It seemed like everyone was pregnant except me!

After many tests and a change of doctors, it was discovered that my progesterone levels dropped dramatically when I became pregnant and that is why I kept miscarrying.

My doctor immediately started me on progesterone suppositories and I was at it again…attempting it for the fourth time.

At that time, as much as I wanted to be pregnant again,  I felt mentally and physically drained.

My husband and I needed a change in scenery.

I didn’t want baby making to be the only thing that I focused on so my husband and I decided to take a much needed vacation.

With all my baby making tools in tow and we headed to Disney World.

We drove and in the cooler in the backseat was my progesterone suppositories, basal cell temp kit and plenty of ice – just in case.

Surprisingly (but then maybe not) Disney World is definitely a MAGICAL place!

We came back from vacation and was tested two weeks later…POSITIVE!!!

However, I was not out of the woods just yet.

I had a lot of meds to take, a lot of documentation to do and a LOT of praying.

To say that I felt anxious was an understatement. Every other week, I found myself in a doctor's office for an ultrasound just to make sure the heart was still beating.   And I heard it.  Every time the heart was beating.

I watched my baby grow and I always said she was my miracle baby sent by the magical Disney Gods.  My baby girl came into the world and restored my faith.  I finally felt complete.

That is, until we tried for baby number two.

Even following the previous baby making protocol, I ended up having miscarriage number four.

At that time, I was given the option to try Chlomid or continue doing what we had done in the past.

I felt it was time for a change and opted for the Chlomid along with added progesterone.

Nine months later and my son was born.

Two years later and I was able to get pregnant and as soon as I found out I ordered up my progesterone.

While my third became my most difficult pregnancy, I gave birth to a second girl at 36 weeks the day after being taken off medication to stop my labor.  She was a determined little thing.

This the wisdom I have to share: each miscarriage felt devastating than the last and changed me in ways I can hardly articulate.

To my sisters who have experienced a miscarriage or two or three know this: the pain never goes away.

Of course, like they say, life does gets easier but it never goes away.  

Even now as my children are grown, every time I look into my kids’s eyes I am reminded of what it took to get each one of them here and I immediately feel blessed beyond words.

I know they say that all good things come to those who wait.   My husband and I waited. And waited. And waited. My kids finally came.

My heart though goes out to all those who are continuing to wait for their miracles. 

-Phyllis Pometta

I am a fun-loving-spirited mom of three (ages 21, 18 & 15). I have been and continue to go through the many stages of parenthood with my husband of 24 years (together for 30 so if that doesn't scream commitment, I don't know what does!). We also have two pups who are equally as crazy as the humans! 🙂 I love to connect with folks over at Instagram. Or, you can read more about what I'm up to over at my Facebook page, Vertified Mom.