During the darkest days of our infertility journey, my prayers went like this: “How long O Lord? How long will you keep us childless?”
There’s not a lot of joy in this. Asking for the same thing over and over. Being stuck.
I’ve heard from a lot of couples dealing with infertility the feeling of being “stuck” in an endless process without a lot of hope, and it is frustrating beyond words.
And as I was recently reading, Michelle Obama’s new memoir, Becoming, she talks about this very pain in her own journey. Learning this about a very public figure is a good reminder that infertility is more common than we think.
So, no matter what we are waiting for, where do we find inspiration for our “stuck” times?
Simeon and Anna have become two of my waiting heroes in the Bible. Luke’s account tells us that night and day both of these seniors devoted themselves to prayer and waiting for Jesus to arrive in the temple after his birth.
Simeon and Anna waited and waited. And they waited some more.
(If you want the full story, read Luke 2: 36-38).
Anna’s entire purpose after her husband died was to be on this waiting journey—to be that prophetic voice that spoke the truth about baby Jesus who was yet to be born.
And then one day (gasp!) Jesus arrived at the temple with Mary and Joseph. Anna knew immediately! She spoke truth. Jesus was God’s Son. Her waiting was not in vain.
Like Anna, probably felt, a vocation of waiting is not something I would have chosen.
But, the longer I waited too, the more gifts the season of waiting gave.
I learned: who I am right now is ok.
I practiced: what I am doing right now is good (even if it not what I would have chosen).
For, no good waiting season is ever wasted time.
God is a mystery beyond all my understanding.
When my daughter, Amelia found her way into our family through adoption, there’s one word to describe the experience of her. And it’s JOY.
(And if you’ve met her, you can testify that this is true).
It’s not because as many might think “I got what I always wanted.”
Or I finally could feel at home in mom’s circles.
Or because I could stop crying so much over my Christmas Eve sermons.
Rather, it was because the soil of my soul was ready. My soul was ready for joy.
I rejoiced in motherhood as I bet Anna rejoiced over Jesus in the temple that day.
I am different kind of mother thanks to infertility. There’s no small joy I take for granted. There’s no milestone that I don’t want to celebrate. There’s no happy picture I can’t wait to share with family and friends of the fun things we get into (sorry, friends, if I text you too often).
Here’s what you need to know: there was a time that I thought I would never have a particular child living in our home.
Adoption seemed too hard, too out of reach. Something we’d tried and had failed at too.
Well, until, it happened.
These days, I still look my daughter eyes with joy as she splashes in the bathtub, asks for more water before bedtime, or exclaims she wants to go to the playground yet again, and I thank God.
I thank God for the gift of growing up with her, learning from her and being HER mother.
My waiting season has brought me this joy.
I pray whatever it is that you’re waiting on right now, you’ll have the courage to keep waiting on joy too! Somehow, someway, it will come.
You won’t be stuck forever.