Archive for ‘discernment’

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June 10, 2013

Facing Your Fears

When people say my name, the word “adventurous” is rarely the first association.

I’m the girl who doesn’t like to ride roller coasters or bungee jump off of platforms or even play paintball. I’m a great purse holder and picture taker. We all have to know our strengths right?

For all of these reasons and more I was never going to be a long-term youth minister (but that’s another story).

Yet I’m also the person who doesn’t like to be left out– as much as something makes fear rise up in my belly, I’ll try it.

I’ve ridden some of the world’s longest and fastest coasters (all the while my prayer life simultaneously grew).

I’ve stood on some of the world’s tallest heights (ok, maybe one day I’ll jump).

I’ve gone paint balling with merciless group of teens (coming home with the bruises to prove it).

And so, when Kevin and I spent a couple of days in Costa Rica for a mini-vacation/ attending a friend’s wedding this weekend, I knew there was one thing I needed to do before I left the jungle: zip lining. Especially after a couple with us for the wedding went the day before. AND, they couldn’t stop taking about how much fun they had.

I was sold. “Kevin,” I said, “we must sign up for tomorrow!” Though I’m sure Kevin would have enjoyed one more morning sleeping in and didn’t even have proper tennis shoes (luckily found a friend with the same shoe size to borrow from), we set out the next day for our 8:30 am tour. All was well and exciting as met our jungle guides and put our safety gear on. All was well and exciting as we made our trek up the mountain in a cart pulled by a tracker. But when I saw the first zip line with nothing but jungle and more jungle below my feet, all was no longer well or exciting.

Soon my speech became a smattering of words like, “I don’t know what I thinking, Kevin. Oh my goodness. Can you believe this height? What was thinking? Why did I sign us up for this?? Why didn’t you stop me? You should’ve stopped me!”

Kevin, with his white safety helmet sliding down his face began to reassure me with stories of the one time he zip lined before in West Virginia, “Oh it will be ok. You’ll soon love this! I did.”

But, I wasn’t convinced. I knew there was a world of difference between West Virginia and the middle of the Costa Rica rainforest. I saw no safety nets. I saw no end to this course down the mountain.

Seeing the fear in my eyes the guide reminded us all: “There’s no way getting down this mountain now than by going down on these lines.” (The tracker was long gone, sigh!). And, I knew I was stuck, for better or for worse. I knew I had one thing and one thing only to do next: face my fear.

One of my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotes came to mind, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” And simultaneously thought– I hope this fulfills my quota for days!

photo-1There would be no turning back. And with a push, down the line I went. And went. And though Kevin later summed up the activity by saying on twitter that “the monkeys in the rainforest might need therapy after all my yelling,” I did it and even have this picture to prove it.

Fear is just like this– in the end it is just fear. It’s just an emotion that screams CAUTION so loudly in us that we never take the leaps in life that we’re met to take. A good dose of fear is healthy, of course. There are leaps in this life reserved for the trained professionals. But, facing our fears can in turn be one of the most spiritual things we do in our days.

For when we face the things that scare us, we leap figuratively (and sometimes literally) into the hands of a God who says no matter what, I will never leave you alone. In fact, as we leap, we might just find ourselves soaring with joy we’d of never known– just as I did by the 12th (and final) zip line on Saturday morning. Mission accomplished. I was thrilled.

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April 18, 2013

“We Just Want to Feel Useful”

But I can’t seem to get these boys we met in Africa out of my mind because as many of you know, some of the greatest gems of experiences take time to sink in . . .527942_10151229673304809_539706810_n

One of my favorite experiences of the Kenya trip Kevin and I took last year was the time spent with the young men of the Hardy House– a group of 20s and 30s something young men with special needs. They’d lived in the FTC orphanage in Nairobi since childhood but who had aged out of the system with nowhere else to go. (Thus, the “Hardy House” was created for them to live in for the rest of their life).

Over the course of two days, we shared a dinner with them. We slept in their guest room. We woke up watching the cartoon “Fat Albert” on their tv and laughing with them.

When it came time for us to leave, the Hardy Boys became serious: “Could you take us back with you to America? . . . Could you find us work there? We just want to do something . . . We want to feel useful.”

While the “take us back to America with you” part was expected (for those of you who’ve traveled overseas in the developing world know that this is a common request made by folks desperate for a way out of poverty), the “we just want to do something . . . we want to be useful” part surprised me. Because before us sat young men who were blind, deaf, and full of mental and physical challenges of all kinds.

I wondered in the moment: “How did they know that they weren’t useful? Weren’t they satisfied to be in a safe and loving place with folks watching out for them for the rest of their lives?”

The thing is in Kenya, like other developing countries, with few resources to go around for even the able-bodied citizens, the citizens with physical or mental challenges of any kind are naturally tossed to the side. They are sent away to the alleys. They are hidden in the back rooms of homes. They aren’t acknowledged as full family members. They are not sent to school with an individual education plan, as children in America with the same challenges are. Deep sigh.

And, therefore if young men like the Hardy boys make it into adulthood in a place like Kenya (thanks to the quality of the Feed The Children staff and programs), there’s no social services to offer them a non-discriminatory hiring or then accommodations on the job. They simply don’t get to work.

But they said to us: “We just want to work . . . We want to be useful.” They’re still hoping for a better life.

And I don’t think my Kenyan friends are alone in their longings.

All of us hold a deep desire to be useful– to do something that matters to someone, to contribute so that when we die we’ve made our mark.

As much as we told the Hardy boys that we loved them and that their concern for us was useful, it didn’t seem to satisfy them.

I believe we can’t muster up usefulness for another. A person has to feel it. A person has to live it. Whether it comes from a job completed with our hands or from a relationship where we know our presence matters to another person– usefulness is something we crave. We crave it so much that many of us will often go to the extremes to create it:

We’ll butt our way into a position on the steering committees at work or the PTA at our kid’s school or on a neighborhood board with meetings we hate– just to say we’re doing something of value in our free time.

We’ll not say no when a friend asks a favor– just to have proof of our importance to him or her.

We’ll fill up our weekends with family and social events of all kinds– just to feel like our presence matters to those we claim as our own.

It’s not that “usefulness” is a wrong desire or that our Creator doesn’t long for us to use our gifts in meaningful ways, but sometimes those of us with every opportunity in the world take our work to the extreme. We don’t stop. We never pause to consider our motivation for going and doing and doing some more. We forget that there are those in this world who want to be seen and heard and validated for doing something AND we’ve got the gifts to help them.

As I keep the Hardy boys and their joy (I mean aren’t their smiles in the picture above precious?), their hope, and their desire to find useful work in dear places of my heart, I hope that a way might be made through Feed The Children in the future for them to “do” more. I hope that my resources and the resources of others like you might be funneled toward their needs.

But, I also hope that God will stop me when I get busy doing “useful” projects which were never my business to be a part of in the first place. I hope that will have more loving eyes to see those who need to feel useful to me and I to them.

I hope that you and I can continue this conversation about usefulness because I’d really love to hear what you have to say too.

Posted in discernment, making it all work, social issues | 1 Comment »

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April 12, 2013

Spiritual Tour Guide

Last week, I was having lunch with a friend who I’d hadn’t seen in years. As we were catching up on life’s ups and downs, she stopped the conversation to make a bold statement: “I’m tired of being a spiritual guide for everyone else.”

My friend, a veteran minister with a thriving campus ministry under her leadership was speaking to the weariness that had become her own life. She went on, “There are times when I have to remind myself that I’m not just a spiritual tour guide, helping others creating meaningful experiences with God when I don’t allow myself to stop and have some of my own.” She then told me about the things she’s recently added and subtracted from her schedule to make this possible– growing in her own faith journey again.

I was convicted and encouraged by her honesty of this friend, especially as I’m now in month #4 of my own sabbatical from playing the role of “spiritual tour guide” for a congregation.

Don’t get me wrong– the role, the privilege and the opportunities that come when others entrust you to lead and guide their faith– is a high and wonderful calling. It’s a blessing to those of us who have found or do find ourselves in this role in our communities. And, being a “tour guide” is never a completely serving only others activity. For there is much to learn as you abide in the deep waters of relationship with others.

But, should this be a role we are in for life? Many ministers I know, think so. But, I’m just not sure.

We’ve all got to take time outs.

I know that what I’m suggesting is nothing profound– for there are entire centers, book series and support groups of all kinds that encourage personal well-being for those in serving roles such as ministers. Clergy-care is something seminary folks and denominational folks, and foundation folks like to talk about, give money to support and even set up conferences to encourage.

But, the simplicity of my friend’s statement: “I want to create spiritual experiences for myself” I think really gets at the heart of what the conversation is missing. And, that is the point of clergy care.

As a pastor, I remember going to conferences where it would be preached to me to :
spend time alone with God every day outside of sermon prep,
put my family above the church as much as I could,
take all of my vacation
AND
never miss a day off (the deadly sin of clergy care!).

I did these things as a pastor (well, a lot of these things). I was proud to take all my vacation and visit a spiritual director once a month and even dream with the leadership about a Sabbatical at some point (funny how I got one sooner than we all would have thought!).

But, even in doing these things, I have to tell you I missed the point.

I never got around to creating spiritual experiences for myself. I never saw myself outside of the role of pastor (a.k.a. spiritual tour guide for others). I rarely made it a priority to position my life to let God speak to me without it having something to do with a Bible Study I needed to lead or a sermon I need to preach. I did the best I could. I know that. And, after all, I had a job to do with deadlines and people who “needed me.” I was paid to lead.

Yet, now where I sit now as a disciple of Jesus without tour group, I have to say I’m learning much in this tour group of one.

I’m learning how much I liked my title and role at the church– though I know now how little such impressed Jesus or made me a “better” or more “faithful” Christian than anyone else.

I’m learning much about prayer– that the Holy truly wants to abide with me in everyday life, not just the parts I think are holy.

I’m learning much about community– that “church” can happen very often outside the walls of any building.

I’m learning how to be supportive to my former clergy colleagues– even when it means playing the part of “Judas” at the last-minute at a Maundy Thursday service (yes, this really happened for this friend).

I know I won’t be in this space forever. But, for now, I continue to be grateful for it. I know that even in the uncertainty of what each day ahead holds, I’m still ok as a tour guide in an time-out.

Posted in church life, community, discernment, gratitude | 1 Comment »

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April 5, 2013

Some Words About Grief

What do you say when a person is going through the deep woes of grief?

What do you do when there are no words to make it better?

How do you respond a situation so intensely sad and unexpected that you can’t even wrap your mind around it?

Many of us just don’t know what to do.

A friend of mine recently lost her life partner to cancer. Another sad story about the way that life just should not be. In the past couple of months, this friend has kept several of us up to date through emails about how she is doing, what she’s been thinking about, and what has brought her comfort. I’ve really appreciated this way to connect with her, especially considering the authenticity in which she’s faced her deep sadness– including those of us who love her in her process as much as she is able.

And today my friend forwarded to me “This is how I feel” list that she received from participating in a recent grief workshop. She said it expressed beautifully what she felt. As someone who has also been through long periods of grief too, I know so many of these suggestions to be helpful ones– ones I wished I’d been able to share at the time with those who wanted to “help” me but just didn’t know what to do. So I could not help but share it here:

Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.

Please don’t take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on our shoulder. Don’t be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.

Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.

Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.

Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clichés. I can’t handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.

Please don’t try to find the “right” words to say to me. There’s nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.

Please don’t push me to do things I’m not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.

Please don’t stop calling me. You might think you’re respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don’t expect me to be the same as I was before. I’ve been through a traumatic experience and I’m a different person.

Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I’ve worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend-because I have learned from the best.

Is there anything you’d add?

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March 5, 2013

Figuring Out Calling

Yesterday, the Associated Baptist Press published a commentary I wrote called, “I Left the Church. But Don’t Hate Me.” You can read it here.

In this piece, I described that one of the reasons I left my pastorate stemmed from a new professional opportunity given to my husband at Feed The Children. It’s something I’ve blogged about a lot in the past. You can read one such post here.

So, you might wonder how? How do you merge your vocational identity with that of your business oriented husband? How do you support him and this ministry when you aren’t employed by this organization? How do you make it work?

Well, the answers to these questions are an ongoing conversation in our household. We aren’t quite sure.

Never do I want to be unhelpful or in the way of Kevin’s work. But never do I want to shrink down from the opportunity this position has given our family to be a voice of the voiceless, to be a hospitable presence to those in whom have been given to us to care for. Kevin and I have different leadership styles, but styles in which I think push us both to think about situations in ways we’d never would. And, at the end of the day, I know we’re each other’s biggest fans. I want to love Feed The Children because Kevin loves it and want to do whatever I can to further it mission under his leadership tenure.

So in the meantime of trial and error of what works and what doesn’t– this is what the calling looks like for now.

In the summer and the fall, I traveled both to Africa and the Philippines to learn about and encourage the field work overseas. I wanted to see the field for myself, bringing stories back so that I could better tell the Feed The Children story to all of you who might just be moved to lend a helping hand as well. I want to go on other such trips in the future.

Several weeks ago, I planned and led a Valentine’s Party for the entire staff which including a letter writing activity for the staff– sending love notes to all of the orphans in Feed The Children’s care around the world. I made heart-shaped cookies on a stick for the 260+ Oklahoma based employees. I created this event (which now folks I think are expecting every year) to encourage this hard-working staff, letting them know how much they are appreciated especially by us.

And just last week, I made a point to spend as much time as I could with the country directors in to the Oklahoma City office who traveled to Middle America for a week of training. I wanted to honor them as they’ve honored us during our visits to their countries.

I wish there were some roadmap or even guidebook for this calling. Because I’m often walking in territory new and uncharted (doing and being place I’d never thought I’d be), but in the meantime I’m thankful for the grace to learn a little more about myself in the process every day. And to know that Kevin and I are in this journey together.

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February 1, 2013

Out of the Spotlight

It has been over a month now since I preached my last sermon at Washington Plaza. It’s very different life from how it was only a few months ago when I was asked to stand in pulpit every week and give an account of my faith while lovingly finding a way to be a presence of care for others. And although I jumped back into the pulpit last week as a guest preacher, my life in general has been lived out of the spotlight and I think will continue to be such for a bit longer. Sabbatical 2013 is on full-time.

Now, I go to church on Sunday and sit in the back pew and get up to walk out the door when the pastor says amen. I blog and write for online publications less, instead focusing on my goal of finishing my book manuscript by March 31. I spend more time than I have had at the gym. Maybe a 5K is in my future soon?

People who know me well ask one of two questions:

1. Are you bored?

2. What are you doing next?

These are normal questions to ask. But I’m not very good at answering them. Sometimes I miss the pace of what my life used to be, but most of the time I don’t. As much as I am cheering on my favorite clergy pals and churches for whom I have rich histories, I have no envy of “I wish I were you.” (Well, of course I could feel differently by Easter). And for the record, I no I have no 10 step plan for what is coming next.

I’ve had several pastor types say to me recently, “I could never do what you are doing. I could never leave what I know by choice.” But, I made this big leap with Kevin’s full support and I need to tell you that I’m still alive (imagine that?)! I’m also breathing, smiling, laughing and crying through the joys and sorrows of life just like everyone does, maybe though a richer level than before.

In taking this time to learn to exist and move in this world without a title or a traditional job to call my own, it has its scary moments of course. Sabbatical times are not for those who like hanging on to ego, public recognition, or even a “can-do” spirit.

I need to tell you that I worry if I stop blogging all the time many of you will stop reading altogether (and I like this conversation we’re having). I worry no one will ask me to write for them again if I don’t keep reminding them to ask me. I worry I might just have a completely new take on the church as an outsider that may never allow me to come back as the insider I once was. But in all of these things, Sabbath time is all about letting go and having faith that as you move through the rhythms of each day more will be revealed.

One of my favorite Sabbath authors, Wayne Muller writes:

“All life requires a rhythm of rest. . .
There is a rhythm in the way day dissolves into night, and night into morning. There is a rhythm as the active growth of spring and summer is quieted by the necessary dormancy of fall and winter. There is a tidal rhythm, a deep, eternal conversation between the land and the great sea. ”

Instead of moving slowly and listening to these rhythms, it would be much easier to start marketing myself for what is next (I know how to do that). Or, try to find some part-time job so that I could say I’m doing ___. (I know how to do that too). Or, even to be online every five minutes posting my accomplishments (“See, look at me, I’m as busy as you, just not getting paid for it right now”) so others can validate my existence. But, such is not Sabbath’s way.

Sabbath’s way is about saying “no” so that we can say “yes” with greater confidence.

There are times of course when I feel guilty about my place of privilege– I know countless others would love to have this kind of time a part from the norm and their financial, family or other life circumstances simply won’t allow such. But, I have to keep reminding myself that Sabbath is a gift. God gave me this gift. It would just as wrong not to receive it.

And, as much as I would just like to crawl in a cave with my most favorite people in the world and call this Sabbath, life (or least how I experience it) can not be totally lived in a bubble. There are bills to pay, food to prepare, clothes to wash, events to go to that help support the work of my husband, and people who come out of nowhere and hit my car while I was minding your my business and as a result now require long and dramatic conversations with insurance companies to get it fixed. As we all experience, life happens. Even in Sabbath, we can’t control.

Thanks for stopping by to sit in Sabbath with me for just for just a bit. Now, out of the spotlight I go again.

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January 27, 2013

How to Wreck Your Life: Live in the Past . . . or in the Future

How to Wreck Your Life Series
Live in the Past . . . Or in the Future
Luke 4:14-21 with Isaiah 43:16-21
Guest Preacher at Idylwood Presbyterian Church, Falls Church, VA

When your pastor, MaryAnn asked me several weeks ago to share this time of worship with you this morning, I was delighted for the opportunity knowing that it would be the first time I was asked to preach outside of the tenure I just completed as pastor at a Baptist church very similar to Idylwood just down the road in Reston. And, as she told me more about your winter worship series, “How to Wreck Your Life”—your focused time of study about the ways in which we all contribute to our own life failures, MaryAnn asked if I’d be interested in preaching along these lines, being a part of the series.

Of course, I said. I love series preaching and did such at my former congregation regularly. And was often on the other end of things asking guest preachers I invited into join in series I’d planned too. So, it seemed right that your pastor would ask the same of me (karma of course). And so our conversation together today on the topic of “Live in the Past . . . Or in the Future” began.

past-present-future-smallsign1At first I thought, I had it easy (Thanks, MaryAnn)—I knew exactly what the direction of this particular mistake would be in this sermon. It’s simple. We all have our heads too stuck in the past and need to move on to the future! God tells us God is doing a NEW thing.

But the more I pondered it, the more I realized “Live in the Past . . . or in the Future” was much more complex than it seemed at first look. Such a way we wreck our lives is not just about the error of looking behind too much—you know, the behavior of being stuck in a rut, unwilling to move on toward the new. But, it’s ALSO about being so consumed with the future that we deign our past exist. You’ve all heard the famous George Santayana quote, “Those go cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” We’ve all had times in our lives when we just don’t want to deal with our past failures seeking to hit the fast forward button in our hearts as quickly as possible.

And, so I believe these two things are true: we have trouble with being stuck in the past. We have trouble being stuck in the future.

Therefore, I think today’s theme truly speaks to our human struggle of not being able to tune our brain to the present. We go and go and do at such a pace that we’re never really in the moment. In any given week, more often than not, our spirit gets lost in never-never land while our body keeps going through the rote motions on earth.

One of my favorite spiritual teachers is Anthony De Mello though he’s been deceased since 1987. De Mello, a Jesuit priest born in India, lectured all over the world about the importance of waking up to life and seeing it just as it truly is. His most famous text, Awareness: the Perils and Opportunities of Reality is a book I’ve recently picked up and read very slowly. It’s a rich text in which he writes, “The most difficult thing in the world is to listen, to see. We don’t want to see . . . We don’t want to look.” (28).

He goes on to talk about how our lack of awareness in the here and now costs us peace and contentment, but most of all blessings that we already have and just can’t see! We wreck our life by deigning ourselves engagement with relationships, joy and hope we currently have.

In the gospel lesson for this morning, taken from Luke 4, we find Jesus in a situation full of memories from the past and foreshadowing what was to come—but ultimately a situation that asked him to stay present in the moment, fully engaged.

And this is the story: Jesus visited his hometown synagogue in Nazareth after being away in the desert for 40 days of temptation. It probably felt good for him to be “home” back in his normal routine. Clues in the text such as the phrase “as was his custom” help us know that going to temple was a commonplace activity for Jesus; he was no high holy holiday kind of Jew.

And it just so happened that on this day it was his turn to read the scripture before those gathered, just like Debbie did for us a few moments ago. And as the scroll was handed to him he read the words from the prophet Isaiah that scholars believe are a combination of two particular passages: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor . . . to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

These were powerful words of promise of course—words that the listeners in the congregation most certainly would have thought were a part of a Messianic prophecy—a divine deliverance of the nation of Israel, a year of jubilee, a righteous mission given by God for the people to carry out together with the chosen one.

And after Jesus finished, he could have sat down and gone about his business of thinking about what he was going to have for lunch later on (which I know none of you are thinking about as I speak right now).

Jesus could have thought about all the times he’d heard this particular lection read as a child—what he’d heard taught by former teachers on the Isaiah prophecy.

Jesus most certainly could have sat down patted his dad on the leg, looked over at his mom, been thinking about what kind of wine was going to be served at the next Sabbath meal at his place.

Most of all, Jesus could have easily allowed this to be just one more day in the life. He could have easily and speedily moved on to naming this as a lovely to above average day of spending time at home again with family and friends.

Or, he could be present. He could be aware. He could live into this moment, the practice of seeing and hearing. He could abide in this unique opportunity to live into mission for his life.

We’re on the edge of our seat with Jesus here about what will come next. We know how it feels. It takes courage to listen to that voice deep within that says, “This is my way, walk in it” that we as Christians name as the Holy Spirit. It takes a lot of bravery to abandon the could-a, should-a and woulds-a’s in our head when we get that nudge to live with freedom. It takes guts we know to live in this boldness.

We see Jesus modeling for us this brave new way as he speaks when all of the eyes of the synagogue were on him. In verse 21 he stands up (and I can just hear a gasp going through the crowd) and says this bold confession of faith, “Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

Or in other words, “I am this Messiah. This is my mission. God has sent me to proclaim the good news.”

Whoa! For these would be the words that would ruin this perfectly tame Sabbath day, that would sent a riot through the crowd, that would run Jesus out of town (almost killing him in the process), and would forever shape the intensity of what Jesus’ future would look like.

I guess you could say by some standards of what it means to “wreck one’s life,” Jesus certainly messed up big time here!

No longer uncover as just Joseph’s boy.

No longer able to come back home without fear and hang out with his brothers and sisters like everything was alright.

No longer able to fly below the radar as if that “You are my son in whom I’m well pleased” event at the Jordan River baptism was somehow a fluke.

And most of all no longer able to deign that this ministry he was undertaking with bold confessions like this would one day get him killed one day sooner than later.

But, Jesus, you see, in awareness knew he needed to speak. He needed to teach. He needed to provide discernment to a group of people lost in the messes of their own making. He needed to be that voice that brought God’s hope to a weary worn crowd. In these 9 words, Jesus gives an inaugural address like none other. “Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

Jesus, I believe showed us how to not wreck our lives by living in the present. Something that staying in his head about the past or consumed with plotting the future could never do. He proclaimed good news.

This week, while preparing for this Sunday I read on your church website: “Idylwood Presbyterian Church is a welcoming Christian congregation. Thankful for God’s grace and enlivened by the Holy Spirit, we aspire to demonstrate the inclusive and expansive love of Jesus Christ to neighbors near and far.”

It’s a beautifully written statement about some of the best things that church life is all about—welcome, God’s grace and the life-giving gift of the Holy Spirit in our lives. And though your statement doesn’t use these specific words, I know that ultimately it is the gospel message of Jesus Christ that each of you as individuals and as a congregation are trying to live out together.

(Otherwise you wouldn’t be here this morning. There are of course there are thousand lovely thing that you could be doing with your time on a Sunday morning that don’t include getting out of your house in these frigid temperatures we’ve been living through all week . . . )

And, so if it is true that gospel is at the heart as to why you are here, and why you are seeking to live in community with one another, and why you are most of all seeking to frame your life’s values as about something most assuredly greater than yourself, then, I believe the word of God before us today, the word of being present in our life is something that we all need to consider more often.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAgain, it is here that De Mello asks us all some good questions, “You want to hope for something better than you have right now, don’t you? Why not concentrate on the now instead of hoping for better times in the future? Why not understand the now instead of hoping for better times in the future? . . . . Isn’t the future just another trap?” (35).

All of us so regularly self-sabotage our lives when we choose to live in moments of our life that either do not exist anymore or are yet to exist at all. The consequence is that we don’t really see those in our direct circle of influence. We don’t see how the gospel can be good news where smack dab where we are!

And this is what I most want you to know: we can so easily miss God as we ignore the opportunities that the day-to-day encounters of our lives offer us, especially when we feel the nudge of the Holy Spirit to slow down, see, act and simply be.

Times when we run into a homeless woman asking for money outside the door of CVS even though we only have $2 in our pocket . . . .

Times when our child snuggles up to us, really wanting to have a conversation about how the school day went even though we know there’s laundry to fold. . . .

Times when a co-worker invites us into a more personal than usual conversation at the lunch table even though we really need to rush off to a meeting . . . .

Times when our body says stop and enjoy Sabbath though the rest of our life says go as it may even though we don’t think we have time to pause. . . .

Times when we just know we can no longer be silent about a justice issue making the headlines when our family member asks our opinion even though we know we might not get invited back to Christmas next year. . . .

Moments, being present in moments are truly what living and being the gospel is all about.

The Old Testament lesson today is one of my favorite verses of scripture that has always prodded me to greater levels of awareness, Isaiah exhorts the people by saying: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

God is at work in the world. God is at work in your life and in mine. Do we want our lives to go forth in ways of great worth in the kingdom of God? Do we want to see the new thing that God is springing forth today?

Then, our hope comes as we abide in God’s gift of now. Not in how our lives used to be. Not how we wished they were going to be one day. But our lives just as they are! For such is where vision is found, vision to truly see God. And, not wreck our lives, but find them abundantly blessed.

AMEN

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December 12, 2012

Not Afraid Anymore

As you might imagine with my days in local church pastor land drawing to a close, I’ve had a lot of packing to do. I’ve been sorting through books, papers and sermon files over the past several days. And in doing so, I’ve discovered all sorts of treasures, as you usually do when you begin to pack. Books I forgot I had from seminary. Extra copies of book studies to send to friends who might enjoy them. A letter from my grandmother lodged in the jacket cover of a book (who has been deceased over 7 years!). And also several CD and DVDs of ministry related files and activities.

I’ve been tempted to stroll a bit down memory lane this afternoon as I’ve tried to figure out exactly what these DVDs, in particular are of. Who cared if I was behind schedule on the packing!

ordinationAnd, I’m glad I did. For, what I jewel I found in re-discovering my ordination service on DVD from November 2006. A shout out to Michelle Mesen for recording it! It took place at Calvary Baptist Church in Washington DC with important contributions from Amy Butler, the pastor, several seminary friends including Anna Kate Ellerman Shirley, Abby Thornton and Sarah Jobe as well as head of the DC Baptist convention at the time, Jeffrey Haggray, my colleague from my first church, Charlie Updike and my parents too.

As I watched this service (which I hadn’t viewed in many years), I couldn’t help but notice the look of terror in my eyes as words poured over my life and call to ministry.

I was excited yes, about FINALLY being ordained. But, I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting into. I came from a ministry family. I knew the toil would take on my life, my schedule and any future family members I added to my household. I knew I wasn’t really as holy as everyone made me out to be that day. I wasn’t sure how to keep pace with this emotionally draining vocation. Yet in spite of myself, I knew, though, I wanted to be in a church more than anything.

I remember the morning of my ordination I had a long talk with several seminary friends about my concerns: “I’m afraid my life is now over. I’m getting married to God today,” I offered with tears in my eyes.

My friends were great, reminding me that indeed my life was not over. There’s still be time for fun and holidays and new adventures even though they agreed, ordination is sort of like getting married to God (though not like our Catholic priest colleagues thank goodness!).

And so for the past six years, I’ve dutifully labored. I’ve supported two churches in associate and solo pastorate roles. I’ve preached a lot of services. I’ve planned a lot of funerals and wedddings. In doing so, I’ve learned much about myself, people and the role of the church in the world. People have loved me and I’ve loved them too. My theology has shifted and shifted some more. I’ve been brought back to center time and time again through the gift of colleagues.

In all of this, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. These first six years of ordination have been about serving the local church and the church has served me along the way too.

ordination3But, in January things will be different.

I hear folks commenting around me (when they find out I’m leaving my church), “I can’t believe YOU are giving up your church.” Or, “What a waste that you aren’t going to be in ministry.”

Such sentiments sting a little because they aren’t true– though of course my landscape of ministry is changing.

Hear this: I still am a big fan of the church. I still believe in its purpose in the world. I still will call myself a Rev. and seek to use my life in gospel pursuits.

Of course it is all going to look different soon. My calling has changed. I won’t wear a stole and rise to a pulpit every week now. I won’t plan worship for Lent this year. I may not make as many hospital calls.

But, I am going to still be a minister. I don’t know if I could ever stop.

Someone asked me the other day, “Are you afraid of the future?”

And the answer is no.

It took me a LONG time to get to this place. But with every book I pack today, I really feel ok. The details of the ins and outs of the future life I will be creating with Kevin are sparse (I can’t even tell you where I’m going to live in six months), but I realized today that I’m not afraid. I feel the gift of calling.

And in calling, I know we’ll figure it out (though of course I’ll have those days like everyone else when I’ll cry about it). In due time, I know the Spirit will make things plain. I know I’ll keep studying, learning and preaching somehow. And, most of all I will live into writing as a vocation in the upcoming season. In fact, what I get into next might just be more fitting of the person I was created to be– who knows?

Above all, I no longer have the fearful look in my eyes I projected at my ordination service six years ago– even though several in my life think I should be MORE scared now. God’s calling is messy. Yet, it is also one of peace. This I know.

I’m glad I stumbled upon the DVD of my ordination service today. What a gift to remember and gain perspective.

Posted in Being Baptist, discernment, making it all work | 2 Comments »

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December 11, 2012

Christmas Presents

photoWe have a tree up in our house (see proof to the left!) but no Christmas presents underneath.

It’s not that I haven’t had time to go shopping . . . I guess I could have made some time if I really wanted to go to the mall (somehow going straight home after work has been more appealing). It’s not that I don’t like giving gifts or even shopping (when it is has a time limit).

In actuality love giving gifts. I enjoy coming up with creative gift ideas for people I love, and the time shopping to get them doesn’t bug me at all. In my house growing up, I was always the designated Christimas wrapper. I’m pretty good at making bows for packages, in fact.

But, I can’t seem to get my head into it all this year.  Yet, no matter how I feel, Christmas is coming soon. I’ve got to get motivated!

I think my resistance stems from this: I don’t need anything. The people I am going to give something to don’t need anything either.

We live in a country of plenty. Over the travels of this year, I know this fully well.

In America, we “want” is usually incorrectly mixed up with the word “need.” Most people I know usually are able to buy something for themself if they really need it or at least save up over a period of time for an item. Sadly, most of us use Christmas to further our dependency on consumerism, in an effort to say we’ve celebrated the holiday.

Katharine Whitehorn is attributed to saying about our world’s obsession with Christmas by saying, ” From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.” I read this quote and immediately said, “Oh gee.”

What’s the larger point, when we know as Christians that we are celebrating a spiritual holiday? Is the act of gift-giving really that bad? Of course you sound super spiritual this time of year if you say, “I’m not buying my kids or spouse more than one present.” Or, “I’m only giving gifts from alternative Christmas markets” But as we all know, I am not that spiritual and I bet you aren’t either.  Maybe there is a balance.

Those three kings did bring Jesus gifts in adoration of his Lordship after all. . . .

I believe what all of us need more of is not piles of presents under the tree with our names on them, but love expressed. Author Harlan Miller said: “Probably theChristmas Presents reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.”

What we all really need is the gift of each other. People in our lives who risk the vulnerability of telling us what we mean to them. Our risking doing the same. Taking time to make those we love feel special and appreciated. Helping each other remember how much God loves us all.

A congregation member of mine once told me about a new tradition she created in her family. Instead of giving gifts to each other, when they gathered, they all wrote letters. Each member of the family took the time to write a reflective letter about something they’d given/ participated in that was an act of service. And then perched the letters physically on the tree at the family gathering.  After dinner, when everyone sat down in the living room, the small children still got a few presents, but the adults then shared their letters with one another. This ritual became a way to teach the children (and remind each other as adult too) what giving is really all about. And remember that Christmas’ emphasis on service is indeed for the entire year, not just December.

I know several churches and families like this one have or are thinking of creative ways to participate in Advent in non-traditional ways. I say bring it on! Share any good ideas you or your family have come up with for alternative giving here in the comment section. I want to learn from you.

In the meantime, I am going to keep staring at my Christmas tree, hoping to get inspired.

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November 26, 2012

Calling All Summer Service Seekers

It’s that time of year for college students– what am I going to do next summer? Will I have an internship? Will I do service work? Will I travel?

I say, do it all!

Consider this: I remember those days of discernment full well. It’s hard to know exactly what to do, especially when going home and doing nothing is also an option. But, I loved my summers in late high school and college when I could dream about doing something different than the norm (besides that one summer I spent in required summer classes, boo!). From age 16 on, some really great opportunities came my way to really get out there and see the world!

Summers working in missions in Charleston, SC, Lexington, KY, travels to Burma and Thailand, a church internship in Birmingham, AL in addition to a summer on staff with Son Servants and Passport have made me who I am today. Looking back now, I’m so glad I took some leaps during that season of my life and had the resources through scholarships for school to be able to afford it.

While each of these experiences had highs and lows of of their own, I want to highlight two as a way to encourage any of you college/ seminary aged readers to consider applying NOW for one of these life changing opportunities. Or if you are a youth or children’s minister, consider taking your kids to one of these camps!

First of all, let me tell you about Son Servants. My time with this organization was amazing. The summer after my sophomore year of college, I spent 10 weeks traveling both internationally and around the country in places like Jamaica, the Texas-Mexico border, Appalachia, South Dakota and inner city Philadelphia, PA.

It was a world wind adventure unlike any other.

I learned simplicity (yes you can live out of your suitcase with only a few possessions and be happy).

I learned community life (sleeping on floors, cooking meals, cleaning showers, etc together can really form bonds like none other). I learned about hard work (mixing concrete by hand is no easy thing, especially in the heat of Jamaica).

I learned flexibility (traveling as much as you do on staff with SS you have to learn to chillax remembering the world doesn’t revolve around you).

I was introduced to such great theological texts such as Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster that I would later study in seminary. My world view expanded with each state/ country we visited, as I saw the truth about poverty, hopelessness and inequality that my 20-year-old eyes had never imagined was real.

My life now in supporting the work of Feed The Children feels a lot like a lifestyle of Son Servant summer with the travel, site visits, flexibility of spirit required and focus on service first. I told Kevin recently how thankful I am for the great staff of Youth Conference Ministries and how my Son Servants summer prepared me for what was to come (though I had no idea about at the time). You don’t even have to be a Presbyterian to apply or work here, seriously, check it out, I’m a fan. You’ll be nurtured and mentored by some of the coolest folks I know.

Furthermore, consider Passport. Passport is a youth camp organization that blazed new trails in the Baptist world many years ago and continues to do so now as an ecumenical organization empowering students to encounter Christ, embrace community and extend grace to the world. I served the summer after my first year of seminary, on staff as the first ever PassportKids! pastor. For close to 10 weeks, I was on another traveling team of college and also seminary students heading to places like TN, GA, VA, MO and AL to give kids who finished 3-6th grade a mission focused camping experience. I was also the recreation director as well as my pastoral hat (though such a job description doesn’t exist anymore, thank goodness!). I also learned the value of hard work from my time at Passport, as you might imagine. The days are long. The alarms come early. And the tasks of the day require much enthusiasm.

I loved my time on staff with Passport because it truly was an empowering experience. This summer I led the summer staff in a book study of Life Together, just as I had been taught four years prior. I was asked to PREACH 4-7 times a week in nightly worship (depending on the travel schedule) which was a huge responsiblity to learn from as young seminarian at age 24. However, the confidence and encouragement that the Passport staff placed in me, helped me to know that I could do it. I was called “Pastor Elizabeth” by young campers.  Each time I heard my name in this way my confidence grew that maybe just maybe God was calling me to pastor in a church. By the end of the summer there was no turning back. I was in.

I would highly recommend this experience to all those of you struggling with a call to ministry, those of you excited about exploring your talents in a safe environment, and looking for a family of service-minded peeps for the summer. The leadership staff, like that of the Son Servant family is amazing and will continue to abide in your life as cheerleaders for years to come. Consider applying now by clicking here.

Let not this summer ahead to be wasted– prepare to do something amazing!

Posted in church life, discernment, international, missions | Leave a Comment »

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