Since I’ve last blogged, I’ve literally been to the other side of the world and back. Literally.
Our family traveled to Kenya to support the work I’m doing with Our Courageous Kids. I attended an orphan care conference in Nashville, Tennessee. And then last weekend, the book tour for Birthed took me to Birmingham, AL to talk about grief and its good news: we can rise from the worst things that happen to us! I was so thankful to Baptist Church of the Covenant for hosting me!
I loved all of it! Travel is so life-giving for our household. Not necessarily for the adventure of experiencing a new place or seeing something new (though these are wonderful side effects), but always for the people. We love maintaining relationships with friends and family all over the world. The people in our lives in all their diversity make us a better human beings.
So, when you’ve literally been to the other side of the world and back you don’t know how to begin. You don’t know exactly what to say. Or what to highlight. Or what details of what you’ve seen matters the most. So I’ve been quiet for a couple of days.
A wave of exhaustion (or maybe just jet lag?) hit me on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (and maybe even still today). You don’t go to the other side of the world and back (with a 10 month old in tow I might add) and not feel tired. 8 hour plane rides repeated (times 4) with a baby are not for the faint at heart.
But here’s some things I know for sure from all of the ways we’ve been on the move lately:
- Showing up means more than staying at home.
When it was time to leave for our Kenyan trip, I started to panic. I mean, packing enough formula, clothes and toys to meet baby girl’s needs for 9 days felt overwhelming even for people like us who travel all the time. I told Kevin over and over again how naive we were for even attempting such a big adventure. I have to say the word crazy came out of my mouth more than a couple of times . . .
But, even though the travel was as hard (or harder) than I imagined the journey was worth it. It was worth it because showing up means so much. To the children we met with again. To the old friends we hugged. To the new friends we had a chance to spend more time with! It was a joy to introduce our daughter to her Kenyan brothers and sisters! Joy that overflowed from our hearts in being together. Presence means everything!
- Shame is embedded in so much of our stories.
Last weekend, I worked with a group of deacons in their pastoral care ministries with family groups in a Birmingham, AL church. During our last session together, I took a risk. I taught on something I’d never tried before. SHAME.
I brought up the topic of shame because I think it has everything to do with how we speak of grief.
I did so knowing my audience, I thought, pretty well. But what I found as we began our conversation with one another is that SHAME is so hard to talk about even among friends. It’s so personal. It’s like the garbage we want to take out and forget ever came in our home. Yet, like it or not, it’s in all our stories. We all struggle with feeling unworthy, unlovable or an outsider in our own communities (even if we not ready yet to say it aloud). We all have our own version of “the worst mistake” stuck in our heads somewhere. But this I know: we help one another heal as we begin to talk about it!
- Vulnerability opens doors to the best kinds of conversations
One of my favorite parts of the Christian Alliance of Orphans (CAFO) conference in Nashville this year was a workshop led by Jedd Medefind, President of CAFO and Kathryn Joyce author of The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking and the New Gospel of Adoption.
The session started with Kathryn introducing herself saying she was a liberal feminist atheist AND an award-winning journalist. What was so astounding about her introduction is that it came at a very conservative Christian conference. (As one of the only non-conservatives in the room, I wondered if someone in the audience would either try to shame her or convert her after the presentation). But she was there because Jedd had lovingly invited her, even though she wrote a book that was highly critical of many aspects of Christians in the adoption community. Over the next hours, together, the two of them dialogued respectfully and openly and no one got hurt. Their talk was a great example of what beautiful moments look like when we talk honestly with one another about what we believe. I felt so encouraged that maybe CAFO has a place for me in all I’m trying to do with the orphan care organization I’m seeking to build.
What about you? What have you been learning lately?
P.S. I’m glad to be home for a while!