Posts tagged ‘rest’

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February 1, 2013

Out of the Spotlight

It has been over a month now since I preached my last sermon at Washington Plaza. It’s very different life from how it was only a few months ago when I was asked to stand in pulpit every week and give an account of my faith while lovingly finding a way to be a presence of care for others. And although I jumped back into the pulpit last week as a guest preacher, my life in general has been lived out of the spotlight and I think will continue to be such for a bit longer. Sabbatical 2013 is on full-time.

Now, I go to church on Sunday and sit in the back pew and get up to walk out the door when the pastor says amen. I blog and write for online publications less, instead focusing on my goal of finishing my book manuscript by March 31. I spend more time than I have had at the gym. Maybe a 5K is in my future soon?

People who know me well ask one of two questions:

1. Are you bored?

2. What are you doing next?

These are normal questions to ask. But I’m not very good at answering them. Sometimes I miss the pace of what my life used to be, but most of the time I don’t. As much as I am cheering on my favorite clergy pals and churches for whom I have rich histories, I have no envy of “I wish I were you.” (Well, of course I could feel differently by Easter). And for the record, I no I have no 10 step plan for what is coming next.

I’ve had several pastor types say to me recently, “I could never do what you are doing. I could never leave what I know by choice.” But, I made this big leap with Kevin’s full support and I need to tell you that I’m still alive (imagine that?)! I’m also breathing, smiling, laughing and crying through the joys and sorrows of life just like everyone does, maybe though a richer level than before.

In taking this time to learn to exist and move in this world without a title or a traditional job to call my own, it has its scary moments of course. Sabbatical times are not for those who like hanging on to ego, public recognition, or even a “can-do” spirit.

I need to tell you that I worry if I stop blogging all the time many of you will stop reading altogether (and I like this conversation we’re having). I worry no one will ask me to write for them again if I don’t keep reminding them to ask me. I worry I might just have a completely new take on the church as an outsider that may never allow me to come back as the insider I once was. But in all of these things, Sabbath time is all about letting go and having faith that as you move through the rhythms of each day more will be revealed.

One of my favorite Sabbath authors, Wayne Muller writes:

“All life requires a rhythm of rest. . .
There is a rhythm in the way day dissolves into night, and night into morning. There is a rhythm as the active growth of spring and summer is quieted by the necessary dormancy of fall and winter. There is a tidal rhythm, a deep, eternal conversation between the land and the great sea. ”

Instead of moving slowly and listening to these rhythms, it would be much easier to start marketing myself for what is next (I know how to do that). Or, try to find some part-time job so that I could say I’m doing ___. (I know how to do that too). Or, even to be online every five minutes posting my accomplishments (“See, look at me, I’m as busy as you, just not getting paid for it right now”) so others can validate my existence. But, such is not Sabbath’s way.

Sabbath’s way is about saying “no” so that we can say “yes” with greater confidence.

There are times of course when I feel guilty about my place of privilege– I know countless others would love to have this kind of time a part from the norm and their financial, family or other life circumstances simply won’t allow such. But, I have to keep reminding myself that Sabbath is a gift. God gave me this gift. It would just as wrong not to receive it.

And, as much as I would just like to crawl in a cave with my most favorite people in the world and call this Sabbath, life (or least how I experience it) can not be totally lived in a bubble. There are bills to pay, food to prepare, clothes to wash, events to go to that help support the work of my husband, and people who come out of nowhere and hit my car while I was minding your my business and as a result now require long and dramatic conversations with insurance companies to get it fixed. As we all experience, life happens. Even in Sabbath, we can’t control.

Thanks for stopping by to sit in Sabbath with me for just for just a bit. Now, out of the spotlight I go again.

Posted in discernment, Sabbath | 3 Comments »

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January 21, 2013

Sabbath Learnings

peace
People have asked me, how is it going? How is your Sabbatical time treating you? Are you going nuts not officially working? Well, I have to say though there have been several rocky moments of “oh my goodness, I can’t do this. I need to work!” most of all it has been wonderful. Oklahoma City hasn’t killed me yet either . . . I am breathing in deeply, deeper than I have in years on the plains. I am learning much about myself, God and what spiritual practice is all over again. I am loving spending more time with my husband.

I’ve been collecting quotes and thoughts of mine as I think of them and posting them on twitter. I thought I’d share them as a litany here.

“Sabbath is about the refusal to let one’s life be defined by production and consumption” ― Walter Brueggemann

Life is not about what you do. It is about who you are.

It is hard to be silent. It is very very hard. But I want to try it. I want to really do Sabbath.

Sabbath means your life is more private. That’s ok. The good reflections and insights often come when you are quiet and alone.

Sabbath is breathing deeply into all will be well, all matter of things will be well. (Thanks, Julia for this).

When partaking of Sabbath time, days on calendar don’t matter and sometimes you book a flight for the wrong week and have to stand in line for hours to change your ticket. Oh, well.

Sabbath doesn’t change who we are. It reminds us whose we are.

Sabbath is not bring afraid of being alone. You can be alone and not lonely.

“If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception far to see Sabbath can invite a healing” -Wayne Muller

Sabbath is thinking you are writing for fun and drafting out a new chapter for your book long project. Inspiration finds you when you least expect. Productivity is not something to be worried about. It comes in its own time.

A gift of Sabbath is contentment. I don’t know the future but don’t have to.

God gives us everything we need as we rest.

We can not know God unless we know ourselves. In sitting with ourself long enough to listen, we hear God.

“Caught up in our own busyness running from one crisis to next looks less like loving God and more like trying to become one” – Phileena Heuertz

Sabbath is good. It is really good for the soul.

Posted in gratitude, making it all work | Leave a Comment »

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January 7, 2013

Sabbath Rest

Sabbath-RestWhen most pastors leave congregations and don’t have another official job to go to, it is for one reason: burnout. They’ve worked too hard. They’ve shepherded congregations through major change which has taken a toll on their own health. They’ve made the church a greater priority over their family or own emotional wellbeing and simply need to re-prioritize. Or, they’re simply bone tired for a thousand different reasons. And they can’t imagine setting foot back in a church building for a really long time (for the sake of the church’s wellbeing many of these folks don’t need to). In fact this article has been all the buzz with my clergy friends over the past several days as one high profile pastor has left his post for not taking care of himself or his family over the long haul.

But, as I stand (or sit on the couch in all accuracy) on this my first week officially off duty– when I’d normally be getting the swing of the Epiphany season at church and now am not there, I need to say that I’m in this place of life not because of burnout. Sure, I needed some rest from the craziness of balancing this huge tradition for our family with Kevin’s new job and living a part for some time, but burnout, no.

I really liked being a pastor. I really liked my job. I left on great terms with the congregation. And, as much as I know my leaving WPBC at this time was the right thing to do, I still miss it. (I really didn’t know what to do with myself yesterday when there wasn’t early church responsibilities to get up for. All I knew to do was try to enjoy the break by eating waffles and watching my favorite political news shows, thanking God for the chance to be in my pajamas at 11 am– something I never, ever get to do). Then, as I was listening to the radio on the way to the gym this afternoon, I heard a song and my first thought was, “That would be a great piece for a call to worship.” (And I teared up a little thinking that I no longer had anyone to suggest that we sing it to).

So, what do you do when you are not in a church by choice– or any 9 to 5 job for that matter– for a chunk of time when you aren’t experiencing a burnout?

Though I’m sure many would say things like, “volunteer!” “get busy making connections for your next job in your new town” or even “hurry up and get back in the saddle because you don’t want to lose your relevance,” I just can’t make myself do any of these things.

I don’t want to rush into filling my days with thousands of lunch appointments or extracurricular activities– even if I could.

I don’t want to rush into commitments for work to come.

I don’t want to have to be asked to have a spiritual word for anyone other than myself for a while– even as much as this I’d really rather not go down this silent path.

I need to work on my book long project– but I’m not even pushing myself back into this yet. “Breathe, Elizabeth, breathe” is what wise ones have been saying to me.

We all need Sabbath. And apparently it is my time.

I’ve always been a much better do-er than I have a wait-er or rest-er. As a child, I hated dates off from school like federal holidays because they really seemed to throw me off of my routine. I begged to go to school even as my parents thought I was crazy. I really wanted something to do. I couldn’t stand to be idle.

And on this day, I need to tell you that I really want something to do. Please don’t roll your eyes at me when I say, it’s so hard to rest! In fact, as more as I’ve gotten into it, I’ve realized that I’d rather not have Sabbath. I’d rather hide behind work. I’d rather avoid myself. I’d rather avoid God. But, I trust that Sabbath will be good for my soul and the future souls of those in whom I care for, so I will try.

I will try to see what Sabbath teaches me about my value and worth– and from where it comes.

I will try to see what Sabbath teaches me about the gift of time– what it is I really need to do and what I don’t.

I will try to see what Sabbath teaches me about calling– what is the best use of my gifts and what is not.

Most of all, I will try to listen. I will fight the fear that my voice will be weakened if I don’t use it for awhile. I will try to remember this is only for a season. I hope you can too– in the Sabbath moments of your life schedule that find you this week.

So, if you don’t see me blogging as much as I normally do, you know where I am: breathing in Sabbath. Remembering that my value is not based on what I produce. I promise, I’ll share with you whatever I learn when I return in a couple of weeks or whenever . . .

Posted in making it all work, Personal | 1 Comment »

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May 3, 2012

A Tired Pastor

You are out of words.

People seek from you what you don’t have anymore.

You plan retreat and they come and find you.

Pray for me, pastor.

Visit me, pastor.

Solve my problems, pastor.

What do you do?

With compassion, you keep going.

You get out of bed.

You bathe.

You get dressed.

You show up.

You keep trying.

“The peace of Christ be with you.”

You search the far corners of your heart, hoping there is some gem there.

You hope your morsels are enough to feed the five thousand sitting at your doorstep.

And, you plan vacation again.

You count the days.

You look for light.

You run toward it.

And you hope when all is said and done that there will be a good story to tell.

A really good one.

A story of unbelievable grace.

A story that feeds the five thousand with your morsels that have become loaves of bread.

Posted in poetry | 3 Comments »

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March 28, 2012

Sabbath lately?

I’ve been thinking a lot about Sabbath keeping recently. Maybe because holy week is coming soon:  the busiest week of a pastor’s year, the time when bulletins after bulletins and services and services must be planned and planned some more.  Maybe because it is something that our household is trying to be better at after my husband ended up in the hospital on Monday morning due to exhaustion and  dehydration (a preventable condition if he’d just taken better care of himself the week before). Maybe it is just because it is a topic we seem to talk about a lot in the church, but rarely put into practice. 

Can I just say that sabbath frustrates me.  It is easier to be “good” at work than it is to be “good” at rest. No one is ever going to praise you for rest the same way they are of work. But, the longer any of us go without rest, our work will of course suffer. So, why not get the hint and embrace it? 

But, after all, as people of faith, Sabbath keeping is not a suggestion but a command.  Keep the Sabbath day holy . . .

So I ask myself and my congregation regularly: “How can we live into Sabbath more often?” And, by Sabbath, I don’t necessary mean one day (though one days of Sabbath are good), but a Sabbath filled life.

This is what I am noticing-

Sabbath finds me when I stop and listen to the voice that says, “Why are you in such a hurry?” 

Sabbath looks like turning off the radio in the car. Sabbath looks like not rushing out the door in the morning on the way to work; instead getting up early enough to just be. Sabbath looks like saying lots of “No’s” to meetings that just aren’t necessary. Sabbath looks like turning off the tv more often and reading a book just for fun. Sabbath looks like walking down the bakery aisle at the grocery store, just to smell the bread. Sabbath looks like finishing my sermon on Friday so Saturday is really a free day.

Sabbath looks a lot like a Mary Oliver poem.

“Just a minute,” said a voice…
By Mary Oliver

“Just a minute,” said a voice in the weeds.
So I stood still
in the day’s exquisite early morning light
and so I didn’t crush with my great feet
any small or unusual thing just happening to pass by
where I was passing by
on my way to the blueberry fields,
and maybe it was the toad
and maybe it was the June beetle
and maybe it was the pink and tender worm
who does his work without limbs or eyes
and does it well
or maybe it was the walking stick, still frail
and walking humbly by, looking for a tree,
or maybe, like Blake’s wondrous meeting, it was
the elves, carrying one of their own
on a rose-petal coffin away, away
into the deep grasses. After awhile
the quaintest voice said, “Thank you.” And then there was silence.
For the rest, I would keep you wondering.

So, what about you: experienced Sabbath lately? What has it looked like? Any surprises?

Posted in making it all work | 2 Comments »

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July 25, 2011

How was Sabbatical Worship?

Yesterday was the last Sunday in our “Sanctuary on Sabbatical” worship series. After four weeks of worshiping in the Plaza Room sitting around round tables in a participatory style of gathering, we will return to the sanctuary this Sunday  to resume “normality.”

This idea for summer worship emerged out of several conversations with my clergy group during a retreat last May, and as much as I was excited about it and found the worship ministry team excited too there was fear in me about this “shaking things up” idea . I wondered what it would feel like to worship in a different space. I wondered how the congregation would respond to the intentional change. I wondered how preaching without a manuscript and notes only would feel, and could I really do it? I wondered what first time visitors would think and if they would be scared away by what one member called “coffee hour church.”

Yet, unless I just haven’t heard– there haven’t been too many complaints. Several folks have expressed how much they like the “close feel” of the service and how they liked how personal and engaging the sermon and music was.

I would love to hear from others about what you thought of worship this July. This is what I am thinking, though:

1. I delighted in having the personal interaction with the congregation during the sermons. Instead of going through a manuscript and wondering at times what the congregation was thinking, during the past several weeks there would be times when I would stop and ask questions and actually get to hear what the gathered community thought. Loved it!

2. With that said, my love of a manuscript has grown. As good as it was to have spontaneous responses, I look forward to getting back to having words carefully chosen. Manuscript preaching is simply my style. But as I go back to my style, I hope to incorporate a type of sermon delivery that makes space for more causal moments from time to time.

3. It was beautiful to hear Ken, our music director lead us through moments of singing that felt more worshipful than I’ve experienced at Washington Plaza in a long time. I look forward to the congregation singing more response songs such as “Hear Our Prayer O Lord” (which we sang every week) in the future.

4. I felt closer to my church family, their needs and prayers throughout the month. There’s something about sitting close to people in worship– you begin to realize that this “following Christ” thing is not something you are doing alone.

5. Communion was served every week, and I’m still processing how I felt about it. My goal was to offer a teachable moment between the spiritual food of communion and the physical food that we eat together each week as we gather for lunch. I’m not sure I found a way to make this connection explicit and I’m unclear if anyone in the congregation found meaning in the greater frequency of taking communion.

6. To my surprise over the past four weeks, there have been fewer people saying for lunch after the service than usual. Maybe it is because folks have gotten their “fellowship fix” during the course of the service or maybe it is summer and folks just have other places to go. The lack of people sticking around for lunch after worship has been a disappointment.

7. I will be glad not to worry so much about the room set-up. As is the case with many small churches, the pastor and a few others do a lot of the work when anything new is attempted. It took a lot of time on Sunday mornings to transform the Plaza Room (where we normally host classes and meals) into a worship space. A few of us did a lot of the work, and this always brings cause for concern and exhaustion afterwards.

So, will we do it again next summer? I hope so. All in all, it was a refreshing break, a good sabbath even with the challenges. But, see you on Sunday UPSTAIRS!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

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