Have you experienced a time in your life when failure creeps in?
Such has been how I have felt the past couple of months. Trying to heed the advice I often give to others: "Lead from your scars, not your wounds" (Thanks Nadi Bolz Webber). I haven't written about it here.
My blog is primarily pastoral not-self confessional. I'm not a fan of public over sharing. I say that's what coffee dates with friends are for! BUT, something in me has tugged toward writing about failure today. Maybe someone needs to hear it?
Today is not the first time I've shared about failure. Through the time I've been blogging, I've written about my own struggles with depression, infertility, and even marriage. A theme of my writing for sure is what it means to find faith in the dark night of the soul. Some of you have told me I've been a healing companion for you on your journey. For this I am more grateful than you know.
Yet, here I am again. Even if you know that joy has seasons and failure is just a part of life. It still can feel rotten to feel stuck.
In my case, it seems everyone around me is running faster and jumping higher. And I'm behind them all just falling on my face.
And, why you wonder?
I've felt like a failure because my memoir, Birthed hasn't had the success I would have liked for a multitude of reasons most notably because there still isn't market demand for infertility stories. It's so hard to beg people to care about what they don't want to talk about.
I've felt like a failure in my friendships. As much as I try to value people and make time for others, human relationships are messy. Most of us simply do what we want to do. Often this means hurting others (even if we're making the best choices for ourselves). It has just been a season where I feel I've drawn the short end of the stick more than my confidence can handle.
I've felt like a failure in my time management. I've overcommitted myself to projects I can't complete. And sometimes there are no quick fixes for these poor choices. It just is what it is and we can't rest until everything is finished.
And I've felt like a failure because can't seem to find the advocates I need for the orphan care and the work I'm doing over at Our Courageous Kids. My motivation skills seem to have lost their touch.
Even if you want to rise above failure, it can feel like an endless cycle. The more you feel it, the worst it gets. (For all of you Enneagram buffs can you tell I'm a 3?).
So how can you move forward with a mess of failure all around?
For now, this is what I know: grace is the thing that keeps me going.
Grace tells me that my poor choices (or that of others) aren't the end of the story. Grace reminds me that broken relationships will find redemption somehow. Grace offers that unexpected gifts are waiting for me when I least expect it.
And then practically, I can offer grace back to myself. Saying, "It's ok that I can't be this or that right now." Or giving myself permission to sit on the couch if it is the one thing that makes me feel better. Or even something extreme like flying across the country to see people I love (which I did last week!).
My life has purpose and meaning even if it doesn't feel like I'm living into my potential right now. The words of Lamentations 3: 22-23 ring in my ears:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
This "failure season" of mine will indeed pass. And yours will too.
Excerpts from a sermon preached at Springfield Christian Church, Springfield, Va on Zephaniah 3:14-20
Here's a great unifier of the what it means to be human: we’ve ALL failed at something If not at a lot of somethings. (And maybe even a lot of somethings today!) And when we fail, we don’t like to talk it!
However, in the past couple of years I've noticed, there’s a new willingness among many of us to embrace failure as a part of our lives. "Vulnerability" is on the rise, google says, as a topic we discuss with friends. And in response, there’s a growing group of social commentators and bloggers joining in the conversation about failure.
One of these is over at More magazine, Kathy Caprino. Recently she embarked on a series of posts called: “The 52 Worst Mistakes I’ve Made.”
Here are some of them on her list:
#4 Spending too much money on her business before learning how to earn
#13 Staying too long in a job she hated, not realizing it will, eventually, hate her back
#33 Letting people walk all over her because she felt badly for them
#45 Spending more time complaining about her situation than changing it
Identify with any of these?
It's a book of the Bible that has a lot to say about failure.
For if we were to read the book of Zephaniah from cover to cover, what we’d realize is that 85% of it could fall in the category of “the day of wrath says the Lord” Or, in simpler terms: people of God “you’ve failed big time.”
As the word of the Lord came to Zephaniah son of Cushi in chapter 1, we learn that many in Zephaniah's time worshipped other gods like Baal, Molech, and the starry hosts. They’d not kept up their spiritual practices. They'd lived selfishly to the core. They’d also failed to be a light to the nations. They’d forgotten their responsibility to bless other people as was a part of God’s covenant with their ancestor Abraham.
So, Zephaniah spoke against Philistia, against Moab and Ammon, against Cush, against Assyria, and then begins chapter 3 with a word of judgment against Jerusalem.
Zephaniah speaks most harshly to Jerusalem at the end saying in chapter 3 verse 1: “Woe to the city of oppressors, rebellious and defiled! She obeys no one, she accepts no correction. She does not trust in the LORD, she does not draw near to her God.”
So if the layers of failure weren’t described on enough, Zephaniah’s book paints a picture of a God who likes to punish.
Besides not liking to read about our own failures, texts like these force us to look at the realities of life with God. God seems to be all about doom and gloom. Or as one of my nephews asked me after hearing a Sunday School lesson once on the tales of the prophets, “Is God always angry like a monster with a couple of heads?”
But looking at the full picture is important because of where the full story is going. By time we arrive at Zephaniah 3:14, the
tone has changed.
It’s a complete change of tune! It’s a word of hope for Zephaniah says it’s time to be happy! It’s time to sing loud. It’s time to shout. It’s time to rejoice and exult the Lord with all your heart! For verse 17 tells us that “The Lord, your God, is in your midst” and God “will rejoice over you with gladness.”
Here we might be confused. I know I was as I dug into this book this week. But besides thinking that the prophet Zephaniah is bi-polar and can’t make up his might for what his message might be, is there an alternative?
Look with me at verse 20: “At that time I will bring you home, at that time when I gather you; for I will make you renowned and praised among all the peoples of the earth.”
Consider this modern day example.
I have a friend who’s first born son left home at 18 years old.
He hated the rules and the restrictions placed upon him by his mom and dad so he couldn’t wait to get out when he was of legal age to leave. At first, the boy did ok. He lived with some friends. He got a job at the local grocery store, working the night shift to make extra cash. But of course, soon he learned the harsh realities of life. He needed his family. He needed more education. Or some combination of both if he wanted to live the kind of life he grew up with at home.
So when the calls invitations came and kept coming to consider joining the brotherhood of a local gang, they got harder and harder to refuse. The young man was promised money and life in a community. And, one day he joined. Five years passed. This boy’s parents did not hear from them again.
They heard from the grapevine of neighbors that their son was in and out of jail. They heard that sometimes he slept on the streets. They tried hard to reach out to him, but they never heard a word.
They loved their son. They wanted to be in relationship with him. They wanted him to make better choices for his life.
But then one day, they got a phone call. It was about around this time of year. It was their son. “Could I come to Christmas dinner?” he asked straightway. “I’m sorry, mom,” he said. “I know I’ve disappointed you big time, but I want be with family at Christmas.”
Of course these parents could have said no out of bitterness. But how could they? This was the moment they’d dreamed about for ages!
Only the best music would do.
Only the best turkey would be baked.
Only the brightest bows of presents under the Christmas tree would be added.
Then after supper there would be dancing. Lots of it. And so much laughter!
In those moments, who cared about the failures of the past? A turn had been made of relationship! These parents forgave their child. They just wanted to look at him. Hug him. And adore how handsome he was!
I have to imagine that this look is exactly the way God was trying to communicate to the people in Zephaniah’s time. The look of total love. That’s what God wanted the people to most see!
For yes, there had been failure.
For yes, there had been anger on God’s part.
For yes, there had been broken ties of relationship.
But SUCH WOULD NOT last forever. For God loved Judah. God was just waiting on Judah to hear the word and come home.
And God’s deepest desire through it all was to say, WELCOME HOME! Come sit around the fire. Eat some amazing food. And know that I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m not angry anymore.
And what good news this is for our Advent, for our lonely hearts, for our longing hearts, for our broken hearts! God will not stay angry at forever. God is a loving parent who wants to draw us close! God wants to just sing over us, rejoice over us and say thanks be over us!
So it is with great joy I give you this invitation-- come on home. God wants to welcome you! Christ will soon be born. 
