Life.

It is always happening.

Sometimes it's great. Other times it is not.

And today I am wondering about existing when things aren't well.

How do you go on when we are very aware that life’s broken edges cracked parts of you that might never be repaired?

How do you keep breathing when everything in you wants to lay down in surrender to what is lost?

How you have hope when life is never full of any guarantees?

Such are questions I’ve been thinking about a lot lately both for myself and those in whom I love that are experiencing suffering.

Getting out of bed. Putting on pants. Cooking at home. Making hopeful plans. Going to the gym. Calling a friend. Laughing when something is funny.

This is what not so well seasons of life are all about.

Making space for Grace to surprise.

Accepting conversation and loving embrace.

Appreciating the kindness, even small gestures.

Walking in the sunshine.

Bathing slowly.

Remembering the breath of life that is and has always been within.

When it is time to pray again, it will come.

When it is time to walk on a new path, it will be revealed.

When it is time to create, it will flow.

But when all is not well, it is good to accept it. It is good to surround yourself with people who don’t mind your crying. It is good to drink hot tea and pour a glass of wine later. It is good to wear fuzzy pajamas.

One day, Grace will help you move on. One day.

Until then, you know that there you are. Breathing in and breathing out.

I have spent the last week feeling mostly like an outsider.

Not because of lack of welcome. (I can't tell you how many hugs and smiles I received)

Not because no one looked me in the eyes. (Countless children pointed at my face as if to notice I was the only green-eyed and blonde haired woman they'd met)

Not because no one said my name. ("Elizabeth, Elizabeth" were words I heard in crowded markets and along busy streets)

But because I visited a country where few (at least of those I encountered) spoke English.

No English.

Mostly Spanish.

I only speak English.

I know only a few words in Spanish. Mucho gusto or buenos dias anyone?

A funny thing happens when you grow up in America, the land where most students take only two years of foreign language in high school to graduate (as I did): you believe everyone speaks like you.

You believe that it is acceptable not to master at least one other language than your own.

You equate speaking English is the superior way to form sentences.

You may even go as far as to think that you are smarter than those you meet who don't speak English. Shameful to admit but true.

Most places I have traveled outside of the US lately have been cultures where English is revered. Even folks who don't speak it say they want to be taught. But this week in Guatemala I met many lovely folks who know as much English as I do Spanish. And they were proud and content. I don't see them seeking to learn English anytime soon.

As I was ordering a late lunch at the hotel cafe of a major American hotel chain in Guatemala City yesterday (you know the place you'd expect everyone to speak English) I found myself pointing and using my limited words like uno mas and agua to the clerk. Again, no English for her. Was I annoyed? Yeah a little. Was I frustrated at my limited vocabulary? For sure. But most of I was aware anew of my own prejudice. I was in Guatemala not the United States. What did I expect?

The whole world does not speak English. It is ok if they don't. Who ever said speaking English was a degree from on high?

To speak English does not make one superior to another. If anything to cling to English as one's only language spoken makes a person arrogant.

It takes great courage and strength of character to permanently enter a culture where you do not speak the primary language as many new immigrants do every day on US shores. I now have a new appreciation.

It is good to be reminded what it feels like on the other side of things. It is good to remember that language, as God gave it to us originally was not meant to divide us or make some of us feel better about ourselves than others. It is good to get one more kick in the pants that I need to stop stalling and learn Spanish soon.