Church Shopping

I can’t tell you how many times a visitor to one of our Sunday services or someone I meet in the community tells me that they are “shopping for a church.”

And, while I mean no disrespect to those who tell me this or who are currently engaged in this process (because if I was not currently a pastor I’d be doing it too), I have to say I grow tired of hearing it.

Why? Usually it means, we as a church or individuals have spent a lot of time investing in conversation and/or relationship with a person in who we will probably never see again.

(Side note: I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic about it here; yes, there are many visitors who stick with us and join the church and become gifts to our community).

Of course, this church or any church for that matter is not perfect nor is a good match for everyone.

If you are looking for a church where you can blend in and not be asked to do anything, then our congregation is not for you.

If you are looking for expository preaching with a list of mandated do’s and don’ts from the pulpit, then our congregation is not for you.

If you are looking for a place to “be in charge” or “get your way” because you didn’t get this opportunity in another community setting, then our congregation is not for you.

If you are looking for a lot of educational programs for each age group by decade, then our congregation is not for you.

But, of course if you are looking for a place where you can be unconditionally accepted and missed when you aren’t around. Or if you are looking for a place where the pastor and church leadership takes scripture and necessity of strong Christian community seriously. Or, if you are looking for a place where you will be asked to discern together God’s direction for our future, not alone.  Or, even if you are looking to get to know people who will inspire you to be involved in service of the community because it is the way of Christ. Then, this is the congregation for you.

It’s hard to say all of this in my talk fast you’ve got a minute at the door “Thanks for coming to worship today”  speech. And, it is even harder to convey such ideas in the time a random community member will allow me to tell him or her about my place of employment if I talk fast.

Yet, even so, I believe, church community is something to be experienced not intellectually understood. There is only so much I can say; for folks have to experience  a calling of sorts to join a church like ours (which is the way it should be in all places, I feel, by the way).

What I mean by calling is this: in deciding to join a church, the best reason to make such a huge committment is to feel yourself fitting in there, to be excited about how your gifts can be used to make it better, and with a open heart about how God is going to speak to you as you are shaped and formed by the people you worship alongside.

So, even though I embrace this process as often the only way people find churches these days, there is a part of me that remains sad about it.

I think about all of the visitors who came in our doors last year and who for what ever reason didn’t return. I think about the promise I felt while seeing their faces in the pews or even with some of them while sharing a more detailed phone call, coffee or lunch get-together. And, I miss them.

(If you are one of them, I have NOT forgotten about you).

This is my pastoral word of the day: for those of you on a perpetual church shopping quest, I hope that sometime soon you’ll find a home somewhere even if it is not with us. I hope for you to find a church home where you are known, loved and encouraged to  grow spiritually and serve.

We are not always the church we would like to be in the present and most certainly we are not the church that we hope to be in the future, but we are a faithful group of committed seekers who want to learn how to do right by God and one another.

I’m glad to be the pastor of those who have laid down their shopping carts and decided to make their spiritual home with on the Plaza!

Doesn’t shopping get old after awhile anyway?

About these ads

5 Comments to “Church Shopping”

  1. You know, as someone who really didn’t expect to be church shopping again, I certainly understand not liking the phrase, and feeling frustrated with those doing it.

    For people who don’t have a denominational home, or who are looking for a new one (I imagine it’s different for someone who’s shopping all the Baptist churches in the area, for instance), sometimes “church shopping” can be a little more complicated. Worshiping in a new place, exploring, does get old. It can be lonely and confusing and frustrating. They may not just be bossy or lazy, or looking for a “perfect” group of people– there may be things they’re wrestling with, more to their story. Please be patient.

  2. Ever tell anyone that maybe they would be happier elsewhere? Or more productive elsewhere? I have.

  3. You are right, there is always more to the story.

    I think as a pastor, your heart is to be involved in the lives of those who attend your church even if it is just as simple response like: “I’m soul searching right now” or “This church just didn’t quite seem to be a fit for me.” Yet, I know walking out without saying anything is sometimes the only thing the person has the courage to do.

    This blog was my attempt to tell the “more to the story” from the pastor’s shoes when the conversation has no ending with someone who is “church shopping.”

    You feel equally defeated as the pastor when opportunities are missed to do your job and connect the resources of the church in the life of someone who needed them.

  4. While not ‘shopping’, exactly (although I do enjoy occasional ‘spiritual tourism’), I admit that I am having a very hard time making a commitment to WPBC, Why? Because at one time, both Mary and I were very committed, but we have drifted away. Mary has said she will not return. Period. I cannot seem to get there more than very occasionally. So, what is up with us?

    I have been thinking about it for some time and something in your ‘church shopping essay made me see that I was very deeply hurt and did not recognize it. This is hard to explain exactly, but I feel that people I loved very much just left without a word and took a piece of me with them. I still hurt from this, as I am just now beginning to realize. I had never before been as invested in a group as I had been in this one.

    These people said the same thing that you say – we are loved unconditionally. I can’t believe it. Not enough to risk getting hurt again. It pains me that so many people I cared for are not only gone, but forgotten. Ask yourself: is the church so open to new people because it cares so little about the old ones?

  5. Peter- Let’s chat off line sometime soon!
    Elizabeth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,106 other followers

%d bloggers like this: